


Bring on the Wall Slams

by JoseyxNeko



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Cancelled Gameshows, Comedy, Confusion over a comedian and that guy from Strictly, Crack, Crack Prompt: Wall Slams, Crowley is a Nerd, Humor, M/M, Suggestive Wall Cutouts, and we love him for it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 18:40:10
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29248158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JoseyxNeko/pseuds/JoseyxNeko
Summary: Crowley and Aziraphale were sat on the sofa in Aziraphale’s flat above the bookshop, drunkenly watching tv, when Crowley said;“I could do that.”And so they do.Crack Prompt: Wall SlamsOverall Winner of the OLHTS Not-Very-Nice and Anatomically-Inaccurate Prophecies 'Wall Slam' prompt.🥳
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 27
Kudos: 51
Collections: The Not-Very-Nice and Anatomically-Inaccurate Prophecies of OLHTS





	Bring on the Wall Slams

**Author's Note:**

> I am so sorry for my brain.
> 
> Please enjoy!

Crowley and Aziraphale were sat on the sofa in Aziraphale’s flat above the bookshop, drunkenly watching tv, when Crowley said;

“I could do that.”

They were watching a gameshow on one of the catch-up tv channels.

“No you can’t. You’re a demon,” Aziraphale reminded him.

Crowley tutted. “Well, _yeah_ , I don’t mean the actual show. Besides, it’s already cancelled.”

“What, with a premise like this?” Aziraphale said sarcastically. “Imagine that.”

Crowley ignored him. “I could definitely do this though. Real bendy, me. Can get into all sorts of weird shapes and angles.”

Aziraphale glanced over at Crowley, who was lounging in such a way that it was an offence to chairs everywhere.

“I would never have known.”

He had often thought about what kinds of angles he could bend Crowley.

Crowley sighed wistfully. “I guess I’ll never have the chance to show you how flexible I am.”

Aziraphale’s brain stuttered. He disguised it as a look of consideration before saying, “I don’t see what’s stopping you.”

“What?” Crowley said, blank.

“We could give this a shot, as you say.”

“I just told you it was cancelled,” Crowley argued.

“That may be,” Aziraphale agreed, “but we don’t need a silly mortal gameshow if we want to have some fun. We’re supernatural beings. We can just-” he mocked snapped his fingers.

Crowley perked up. “Wait, you’re serious about this?”

“I am.”

“We’re going to play ‘Hole in the Wall’??” Crowley shot up out of his sprawled position.

Aziraphale warmed at his enthusiasm. “I don’t see why not. Only, if we’re going to play, then I think it should be done in your flat. I’d rather not disturb my carefully organised books.”

They both looked around the room, every surface a picture of chaos, in book form.

“...yeah, alright. My flat is bigger anyway.” Crowley snapped his fingers, and they were in his throne room in an instant.

“Eager, are we?” Aziraphale asked.

Crowley rolled his eyes. “Aziraphale, I have _just_ enough of a buzz to not think this is a bad idea.” He clicked his fingers and cleared the room of all furniture, and a line appeared on the floor. “So, how do you want to do this?”

“Hmm,” Aziraphale tapped his finger against his chin thoughtfully. “Do you want to follow the rules of the show? Different categories, a pool of water to fall into, the revealing spandex?” _Please wear the revealing spandex, he thought_. “Should I pretend to be Rob Brydon?”

“It’s Anton Du Beke, and fuck no. I just want to fit through holes in the wall. And, trust me, we aren’t going to need the pool of water, Angel.”

“I’m sure it was Rob Brydon,” Aziraphale argued.

“It’s _Anton Du Beke_.” Crowley stood in the centre of the line, and took off his sunglasses, placing them into his breast pocket. “C’mon. Just chuck walls at me.” He beckoned towards himself with both hands. “I can take it.”

“Ok...” Aziraphale said, unsure. “If you insist. I’ll send five walls at you, increasing in difficulty with each wall.”

“Yeah! Bring on THE WALLs.” Crowley clapped his hands together eagerly.

Aziraphale thought hard. He wanted to give Crowley a warm up before getting into the particularly difficult walls, and he'd watched reruns enough to have some ideas. After all, with no pool of water to land in, the wall would slam into him if he failed and crush him against the confines of his flat.

Aziraphale clicked his fingers.

The first wall came, and the hole was a standard ‘T’ pose. Crowley held his arms out wide and slid through the gap as the wall passed him by.

“Yeah, see? That was easy!” He jumped up and down with enthusiasm.

“That was just the first one. Here comes the next one!”

The second wall appeared, with an ‘L’ shaped hole against the floor. Crowley sat down with his legs extended, and the wall passed him by.

“C’mon Aziraphale, they must get harder than this.”

“I’m sure they do,” Aziraphale murmured.

The third wall popped up, revealing a sitting pose in mid-air. Crowley jumped at precisely the right moment, raising his knees and arms, and the wall passed him by.

“Now that’s what I’m talking about!” he whooped.

The next wall was very unusual in that no human would’ve managed to fit through its hole. It was a perfect, large, ‘S’ shape. Crowley looked at it perplexed for a split second before morphing into a giant snake and holding the pose as best he could. He got into position just before the wall reached him, and it passed him by.

“Yesssss,” he hissed, wiggling around on his tail.

“This is your last one Crowley. Be ready, or you’re going to get crushed against your throne room wall,” Aziraphale warned.

“Bring on the wall!” Crowley cheered excitedly again.

The fifth and final wall appeared, and in its centre was a simple round hole, much too small for a human to jump through. Crowley waited for the right moment and launched his head through the hole, his whole body following him without even touching the sides. His head hit the floor as his tail lifted to join the rest of him. The wall vanished as it hit the edge of his flat.

Crowley morphed back into a man-shaped being and punched the air in triumph.

“Did you see that Angel? I told you I would be good at this game.”

“So you did,” Aziraphale smiled fondly at him.

“You should do a round with me.”

Aziraphale’s smile dropped. “Oh, uh, I don’t think that would be such a good idea...”

“Nonsense Aziraphale, you’re guardian of the eastern gate! You can show those walls what for.”

“Crowley, the walls aren’t _sentient_. I really don’t think-”

Crowley grabbed his arm and dragged him onto the line. His enthusiasm was contagious, amplifying Aziraphale’s affection for the demon. Unable to help himself, he sighed, raised his hand and clicked his fingers. The first wall appeared.

It had a simple shape to begin with. Two bodies, joined towards the end of the arm.

Aziraphale swallowed with dread. His desires may have influenced his creativity.

Crowley grabbed Aziraphale’s hand quickly and held them in position. The wall passed them by.

Crowley turned his head to smile at Aziraphale, whose heart jumped in his chest.

The second wall appeared, now with the two bodies making an ‘M’ shape. Crowley turned to face him head on, holding both of his hands now, raising them to the correct height. The wall passed them by. Aziraphale’s cheeks flushed as he looked into Crowley’s eyes. The next wall popped up.

The third wall showed what looked like one large body, but with two heads, very close together. Crowley threw his arms around Aziraphale and held him close. He could feel Crowley’s breath on his face as their noses brushed. The wall passed them by, and, with relief, and disappointment, they separated for the next one.

When the fourth wall appeared, Aziraphale swore inwardly. A figure stood up straight, and another crouched on the floor, arms held towards the standing figure. Crowley squinted at it in contemplation for a moment whilst Aziraphale dropped to one knee, and held out his hands, as if holding a small box. Crowley looked at him, and went wide eyed.

“Aziraphale?!” He leaned towards the angel.

“No-” Aziraphale began, but it was too late. The wall passed him by, slamming into Crowley, and taking him along with it. There was a loud yelp and a sickening crunch before the wall disappeared, Crowley nowhere to be seen.

Aziraphale frowned at the space where his friend should’ve been, completely forgetting what they had just been doing. He was reminded as a wall smashed into him, debris going everywhere, before continuing on and disappearing against the wall of the flat.

“Oh, I see. I get squished but you’re wallproof,” Crowley’s voice came from nowhere.

“I’m an angel, I’m _everything_ proof. Where are you?” Aziraphale asked.

Crowley reappeared, growing from microscopic size, looking a little worse for wear as he took his broken sunglasses out of his breast pocket.

“Nice and roomy, the space between electrons.” He looked at his shattered glasses. “Shame that. They were my favourite pair.”

“How were they different to any other pair that you own?” Aziraphale asked, confused.

“I wore these when I was with you,” Crowley admitted.

Aziraphale felt himself blush.

“Care to enlighten me on that last wall design, Angel?” Crowley asked nonchalantly.

“I, uh, do believe my imagination may have been influenced by my feelings,” Aziraphale replied shyly.

“And what feelings are those?” Crowley prompted.

Aziraphale faltered before replying quietly, “Surely you must know.”

Crowley sauntered over, took Aziraphale’s hand into his own, and kissed his knuckles. Aziraphale’s knees went weak.

“How about you send up that final wall, see if we can finish the game?” the demon murmured against his fingers.

Aziraphale raised a trembling hand and snapped his fingers.

The fifth and final wall appeared once more. The cut out was of a figure on its feet, bent at 90 degrees at the waist, with an upright figure stood behind them.

Aziraphale slapped his free palm against his face, and Crowley made a choking noise.

“Weeeell,” he began, “it’d be rude of us not to appease the wall gods, don’t you think?” He pouted temptingly.

Aziraphale gave a small smile. “I suppose there’s better ways to get slammed into a wall.”

And he looked forward to exploring all of them.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, sorry for my brain, and thank you for reading! Please leave a comment if you enjoyed, as it fuels my creativity. Kudos are appreciated too :)
> 
> You can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/joseyxneko).  
> ....
> 
> ...And I'm _sure_ it was Rob Brydon.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Bring on the Wall Slams](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29263989) by [Djapchan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Djapchan/pseuds/Djapchan)




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